The Problem With Ego Death: Why It’s Time To Move Beyond This Psychedelic Buzzword

The concept of ego death has become a popular buzzword in contemporary discussions about spirituality, psychology, and altered states of consciousness. I have been hearing about “Ego Death” for years, and much more as of late. So let’s take a look into this absurdity.

In Latin, “ego” means “I” or “me” and is the first-person singular pronoun. The word has its roots in the Indo-European language family and is related to other words such as “I” in English, “je” in French, “io” in Italian, and “ich” in German. “Ego” is literally Latin for “me” or “self”.

Let’s grant for a moment that the “self” is dead. Fine. Who then experiences this? If the self is gone, who exactly registers this experience? Someone must still be there, right? Who realizes that the Ego is dead? Ego is you. Ego is the “I”, the “self”, the “me”, the entire and total structure of the organism. So if this entire structure is gone, who or what then realizes anything?

“The ego is the center of consciousness and the whole of existence.” Hash Borgir

The Ego is the center of all binding activity. Ego is a biological process, but not an entity or a thing. Ego is your entire organism. Deeper than that, ego is the survival mechanism of the organism. In highly evolved Primates, this survival is purely physical.

The Ego is the Self. The Self is the Ego. The Ego is survival in the conscious mind. The Self is the totality of it all. There is no connection or disconnection. All of this is the totality of the contents of your consciousness, which is you. There can be no division within the individual.

Ego is the complete and total individual. Individual. Indivisible. A total and whole being. A complete entity that exists without division and cannot be divided.

Why? Let’s examine what is the self? What is to be an individual? What Is An Individual? To be an individual is to be completely and totally whole.

“in” = Latin prefix for negation, such as invisible (not visible) “div” = Division. Division is violence. To divide the whole, the whole must by definition be broken into multiples. To divide and break the whole, violence is required. Division is violence. “id” = Identity, an illusory thing. The self-important self-identification of the cultural organism. “ual” = Latin suffix meaning “pertaining to”, or “of”.

Individual literally means, an entity that can no longer be further divided. Individual. It stems from the origin word “indivisible”. An individual is indivisible. It cannot be divided further.

Gentlemen like Freud and Jung, spiritual gurus and psychologists tell us that there is the Higher Self, the Lower Self, the Self, the Ego, the Anima, the Animus, the Subconscious, the Unconscious and the Conscious. They categorize and divide the individual, which is indivisible, and we poor saps not knowing our own minds any better readily and greedily accept answers from others.

Ego is the complete and total individual. Individual. Indivisible. A total and whole being. A complete entity that exists without division and cannot be divided.

Ego isn’t to be conquered, overcome, or killed. Ego is to be cherished, to be protected, to be exalted. Ego is the entirety of existence bounded up in the flesh of the Ape.

The Self Is An Illusion: First Meditation on the Genealogy of the Self

If the “self” actually exists, then it makes sense to have self-centered thought, logically because then the ‘self’ would be so important, you see? If the self is kind of an illusion, at least the self as we know it, then centering the activity of the mind on something illusory which is assumed to have supreme importance must by nature contaminate the being and disrupt the entire biological rhythms of the body.

The (illusoriness of the) self is regarded as all important, and as soon as anything about this structure is threatened or challenged, the “thought” develops a very fine-tuned defense mechanism to try and to prevent this activity from taking place.

One can easily notice this about oneself. When another says, “Hash, you’re an idiot.”, it pokes at the image I have about myself and the poking is painful. I am not poked, but the image is. And I am attached to this image of myself. So my natural response is to rationalize and accept assumptions about this image, thus creating more images, and proving through those images I am not an idiot, and that someone else is an idiot, right?

Once the perceived reality of the whole structure is threatened in any manner on any level and magnitude, it is as though one’s entire life is at stake, thus triggering a defensive mechanism when we feel that our thoughts have to be protected from cognitive viral alien contamination of other ideas. If we are then confronted with genuine differences of opinion on given arbitrary matters of daily cognitive tasks, the functioning of ’thought’ is the same as when the brain tries to ensure our survival in the jungle in dangerous situations as the response of an evolutionary survival response mechanism hardwired in the monkey.

While in the defensive state, the more primitive reptilian parts of the brain interact and interfere with rational thought processes occurring in the brain which causes our limbic system to numb most of our working emotional and spatial memory, “physically” causing narrow-mindedness, shortsightedness in the defense of this entire structure and the brain responds in the name of self-preservation.

Is it obvious now how blind we are to the very fine subtleties of the defense of this structure? One common expression of defense is anger, and look how quickly we are to justify this defense. We think that this defense is born of righteousness and of virtue. When my opinions are attacked, do I also not become defensive? Do I not feel this defensiveness to be justified? Does not ‘thought’ function as justification for my defensiveness and for my “righteous” anger? When my principals, my way of life, my ideas and opinions, my beliefs and notions about the Universe, my … pettiness… is attacked, I become angry, do I not? This anger gives rise to the defense of my ’thought’ structure.

Dulling of the mind is caused by this activity of ’thought’. Attention is shifted elsewhere as a defense mechanism and thus ignorance takes birth. You find yourself thinking of something else. You find yourself wanting to do anything other than this activity which is to remain in the defensive mode. So, any number of defenses that ’thought’ will throw up in order to avoid having to deal with the non-reality of this entire structure.

I put it to you that the self is an illusion. It is only ever ’thought’ which produces the thinker and not the “thinker” who thinks thoughts. This defense mechanism is going to be activated any time this structure is challenged at all, which dulls the mind, and forces it to look elsewhere, and give continuity to the illusoriness of this structure.

“The greatest trick that the devil pulled was to convince mankind that he does not exist.”

The main functioning of this defense mechanism is to make us unconscious of the entire movement. The primary function of this defense mechanism is concealment, you see? It is simple. If we could see what ’thought’ is doing clearly, the illusoriness of the ‘self’ would be obvious to us, yes?

Which organisms in nature survive the best? The ones who blend into the environment. They become undetectable by anything else, and thus camouflage which is concealment is the best form of defense. Thought functions in exactly the same manner. So, you go do something else, you think of something else, you escape into any number of activities, shift the focus off. All of these are the various defense mechanisms. We are not conscious of this defense mechanism. You see, the whole process of concealment of ’thought’ functioning has to also be concealed in order for it to be effective.

The major part of this defense is to make the entire process unconscious.

Once we can identify the operation of this mechanism, we can see clearly that self is not the source of ’thought’, but rather the ’thought’ is what gave existence to the ‘self’. The thought produces the thinker. Of course, this seems rather paradoxical in our everyday experiences, but then if you look at how one recognizes the experience, it is also through the functioning of ’thought’.

The assumption of the ‘self’ creates only an image of the ‘self’, an illusion corresponding to that image, with great power, great purpose, and the greatest of importance and the feeling is that this whole process is real, the image is real. But an image of a thing is not the thing itself. It’s just an image. And images are not alive.

So, you form the assumption that there is the self, which is the thinker, and that which he is thinking about, and there is ’thought’ which is produced by the ’thinker’ which again refers to what he is thinking about.

The thought is something that is ethereal and almost non-existent. However, the thought ‘process’ is very real in the brain and the nervous system, which in turn produces the assumption that there is a thinker who is the progenitor of this entire process.

Now thought takes shelter in contrived humility. Thought says that I am humble, and I am serving the ’thinker’ when in fact, it created the thinker and is serving only itself. It produces the illusion as would a magician and tricks the organism into creating the notion of the ‘self’ to which the organism then assigns the greatest of importance, never realizing that this assignment of importance to an illusion is the source of all psychological disorder within man.

The entire ‘self’ is built from assumptions and illusions. The self is considered to be supremely important in Western ’thought’. Whatever it needs is regarded as absolutely important and direly necessary. This means that nothing about the whole of this structure can ever yield. This structure always takes first priority, often rejecting even that some thought should be rational and true, and thus from the very inception of the ‘self’, deception of the highest order begins.

This is why ’thought’ becomes dangerous. “Thought” is the most cunning thing in the entire Universe. When ’thought’ continues to deceive itself, that is when extreme detriment to the organism begins.

How Can You Kill That Which Does Not Exist? The Illusion Presides Over Its Own Dissolution

The self is an absolute illusion. Illusions are not real. How do you kill something that doesn’t exist? Does this sound logical on any front? This ridiculous thing called the “self”, this greedy thing called the “I” wants to somehow persist and perpetuate itself by presiding over its own dissolution. Every yoga practice is your mind playing tricks on you. Every meditation technique is deceiving you.

You will not and cannot understand. This is your very real tragedy. The stranglehold of “thought culture” stops your uniqueness from blossoming. You always desire to become someone other than what you are. This activity predominates in every area of your life. Which is why I repeat that all schools, all universities, all education, all yoga teachers, all yoga classes, all meditations and their gurus, all organizations, all colleges, all institutes that are trying to change you into a better person, are nothing more than concentration camps.

Concentration camps. Just let this … fact … detonate inside your mind. Go ahead. Take a moment. Concentration camps.

You are in conflict with this society. That is why you keep running away from it to search for peace. That’s why you meditate, looking for a quiet and peaceful mind. Why the fuck do you keep running away to the top of those mountains? Into caves? To Peru? To India? To Indonesia? To meditate? To do yoga? The world cannot be anything else but what it is. The whole game of culture, the play of society, this game is only an exercise in perfecting your pretensions.

I see a problem in this. The problem is of division and of the conflict it produces. The problem is of fragmentation. The problem is of wholeness. The problem is of totality and the explicate order of Nature. The problem is of fragmentation of the mind and the implicate disorder.

After many hours of pondering it over, I think it still may sound deep, profound, worthwhile on the surface, but it is shallow, mechanical and repetitive.

Perhaps I require more hours of inquiry.

From time immemorial man has been aware of the functional autonomous nature of man, existent in fragmentary evidence, and has often projected a state of division which did not exist before the divorce between nature and man, between man and man. Man seeks wholeness through a sum of its parts. First man divides himself into parts, then he seeks wholeness through an assertion of the validity of the parts.

Surely, with careful attention, when one looks with a totality of perception this becomes obvious.

Man desires wholeness, because wholeness is deeply rooted within, yet thought causes fragmentation, and runs rampant, and man not knowing his mind any better, not watching the movement of thought as it moves about in the field of consciousness, lives in fragmentation. Thought generates fragmentation and then man seeks to be whole, playing games with language. There is and cannot be division. These are constructs of thought, and thought only ever divides.

As soon as you have divided the white, it is no longer white, but its parts. Parts are then seen as bands of colors, and not white. Thus, parts do not make the whole. Whole can only make parts.

A relative perspective implies multiple relations in perception, therefore a divided perception. Is the problem yet clear? Colors are divided, otherwise, they would be colors you see. We see blending, but every wave exists separately. That’s the whole function of thought. It divides. Any wave moving through any field always produces a distortion within that field, and this distortion always divides.

Look, the only reason I see ‘colors’ is that of ‘thought’, a response of memory, via conditioning. Otherwise, you see, I cannot know. Light remains to be light, but thought divides the being and thus is born perception. Fragmented perception. See, with a total perception, you cannot know.

The only time knowledge is born is when you have a fragmentary perception. Right, so when the concept of perspectives vanishes, so does wholeness and division. Then the organism is free to be as natural as as it will be. As long as there exists self, it will divide, and then seek wholeness.

However, the ‘self’ cannot realize this. The ‘self’ is only ever generated upon division. It is the outcome of division. Division must already have happened in order for the self to exist. Only the self perceives. When there is no self, there is no center of activity. One is then the central fixed axis of the Universe, and the “wholly other” is manifested within.

See, it is the “wholly” other. Not other in part, but in totality.

I am high as absolute balls this morning. I’ll eventually clean this rough first draft up and have it make more sense…


In conclusion, the idea of Ego Death is absurdity as its finest. Ego is an illusion. The “self” isn’t real. You cannot kill that which isn’t real. That’s just not how things work, man.

Secondly, let’s say the Ego is real. Fine. Ego is Latin for “Self” or “Me”. If the “me” is gone, who then realizes that the “me” is gone? Someone must still be there?

Do you see?

Thought it the most cunning thing in the Universe. You don’t stand a chance against “thinking”. Thought will do whatever it has to do in order to continue it self, because that is all thought is, a self-perpetuating and self-protective mechanism.

So in short,

Thought, aka, “Self” or “me” simply presides over its own dissolution. This is the most cunning mechamism of thought. See what I said previously about concealment.